Going to Work and Not Returning
Updated: Dec 15, 2021
7am usual start on the ward with my clinic appointment at 9am expecting to nip off the ward maybe an hour max and life would carry on as usual. Wow that was wrong. First nurse examined me and told me it was probably a fibroadenoma (a benign lump) but would get an ultrasound scan and I could go back to work.
Well, as soon as the ultrasound touched me it was a stern ‘we need more tests and a biopsy‘. ****ing Fab! First mammogram was an experience and a half, my boob has never been squeezed so hard and the poor healthy one had to suffer too! Followed by the biopsy, not just 1 but 4! Anyone that knows me knows I HATE needles. (I’m well aware this is weird seeing as I inject people on the daily - or did but that’s just me). I panicked and cried and squeezed the health care assistants hand so hard and to be fair it wasn’t that bad! Thinking I could escape and pull myself together to get back to work it got even worse.
The radiology consultant wanted to speak to me. Typical brutal and straight to the point consultant - bearing in mind I’m still on my own! ‘I’m 90% sure you have cancer’ ‘I want you to expect a cancer diagnosis’. Whilst I’m whaling in tears from the ‘quiet room’ my boyfriend Sam arrives. He’s a paramedic and luckily enough he had pulled up at the hospital after a job and came to save me. We were both well supported by the specialist nurse and I was already being introduced to treatment options such as a lumpectomy and radiotherapy.
I then had to wait just over a week for my biopsy results. My mind was gone. I’ve basically been told I have cancer and told how I’m gonna be treated without a diagnosis! It was HELL. Being told by my family ‘it might not be cancer’ and ’theres still a 10% chance‘ felt so cruel. My boyfriend drove me home in a very sorry state and the over thinking started- plus my sick leave. How was I supposed to look after patients with cancer whilst waiting for a cancer diagnosis myself!? It was sh**.
Positive: Knowing you’re stronger than you think! If you’d have said I was gonna sit through a biopsy I would have said hell no! Also, focusing on what you do have- the overwhelming support of family and friends and realising you are not alone!