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  • Writer's pictureSophie Jackson

It’s in the Diary! 😬

Updated: Jan 28, 2022

Last Wednesday I had my first appointment in oncology right next to the ward I work on. It was tough. I felt alright all morning and as soon as I sat in the waiting room and had a look around the tears started falling. Seeing other patients with shaven heads or wearing head scarfs was just too much. Knowing what’s to come is hard and I just hope I am brave enough to still go out and enjoy life as much as I can.

I saw a couple of people I know from work which was lovely but also weird! People see you and don’t know whether to say anything or not and I don’t know if I want to say anything or not 😂. The botched makeup look with tear stains isn’t the one.

The consultant I’m used to chatting to about my patients is looking after me and she was lovely! Sam was able to come with me and my specialist nurse was there too. There was no faffing about and they didn’t teach me to suck eggs which was nice. Being given the information to call the emergency hotline that I used to be at the end of is very strange. She skimmed over the hair loss part as I was already crying over that 😂.

I had my genetic blood test done , best blood test I’ve ever had! Word of advice that I’ve learnt..ALWAYS expect a blood test 😂 , at least it’s a positive then if you don’t get stabbed! The staff are weary what they mention to me too soon but she said if it’s positive to the gene then radiotherapy may be no more and surgery instead. I was instantly like ‘you mean a double mastectomy don’t you?’ .. and they’re like well we won’t think about that yet 😳. Safe to say I still have lots to come 😔.

Chemo‘s in the diary for Wednesday 19th 😬. Sams able to come with me for the first one and the girls are lovely there! Nervous is an understatement. It’s surreal as I’m usually there with the chemo reassuring the patients ,saying it will be fine and now I’m shit scared. I totally get it. You just don’t know how it’s gonna affect you until it’s done and right now I feel fine. Who wants drugs that are gonna make you feel sh**. Constantly having to remind myself that’s it’s protecting my future!


Positive: We have a plan finally! 6 cycles of chemo over the next 18 weeks is in the diary. The countdown to ring that bell has begun. ALSO, fundraising in prep for Pretty Muddy for cancer research is going so well, we’ve hit £600 so far and it’s not until May! My amazing family and friends have a team of 15 so far! I am really lucky ❤️

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