It’s Not Over Yet…
The last few days have been a bit of a wobble. I have so much anger in me and nowhere to let it out! I see pictures of myself before cancer and just hate what has happened. I miss my hair, I miss my eye lashes (sore, tearing eyes is not fun!). I miss my pre-steroid weight gain body and not really a fan of my new double chin! Let’s face it in reality having cancer is sh**.
I’m sure anyone else going through similar can relate but really grinds me down when people refer to me finishing chemo as ‘the end’. They say ‘oh it’s done now, hardest part is out the way’. It’s like hang on a sec.. it’s not over AT ALL. I have to have ongoing hospital input for the next 10 years!!! It’s a bit of a rant but I hate that society expects you to carry on as normal and be happy and social when in reality you want to stay home in you’re favourite blanket.
I’m sorry but being told you have cancer is enough on it’s own, to then have to face surgery with permanent scars.. that would have been enough. To then go through the torture of chemo and THEN be told you are now infertile. These things are enough on their own to completely destroy someone. Now to have radiotherapy also leaving permanent damage followed by 10 YEARS of maintenance treatment!
My radiotherapy starts on Tuesday and fingers crossed I don’t suffer too many side effects. Due to where the cancer was the radiation is going to inevitably hit some of my lung and my rib = lung scarring and risk of pneumonitis oh and potential rib fractures! I also have very fair skin so I can guarantee you I get sore skin from treatment which can also cause permanent damage 😫.
As my cancer is oestrogen receptive, after radiotherapy ends to keep it away I need to have injections either monthly or 3 monthly depending on my decision, daily tablets and 6 monthly bone infusions for the next 3 years! All these medications are not plain sailing and come with horrific side effects. Medically induced menopause at 26! Fab.
This blog is more of an eye opener to show what we actually go through when dealing with cancer. It has no simplicity and has no quick fix. Cancer has changed my life permanently. My life will never be the same again. It will take years for my hair to be what it was and I have to live with that. Kindness and understanding goes a long way. Just getting out of bed to face the day is a win , life with cancer cannot compare and there should be no expectations.
Positive: Looking back at everything you’ve overcome can really boost your perception. To give you the strength to keep going, you can do this. No stress and no pressure, just having the strength to face the day is more than enough ❤️