Managing wig anxiety on my first holiday since cancer 🤷♀️ ☀️
My goodness this might seem something silly to blog about but it has dictated my whole holiday! I'm sure I'm not the only one! I have waited 3 years for a holiday abroad due to two cancellations due to Covid and THEN cancer 🙄. However, I know some people embrace their short hair and as much as I am proud of my hair growing it is still a VERY sore subject for me. I like the idea of not wearing a wig and dream of not having to deal with it anymore but it's still not enough to give me the confidence to go without.
Hair wash day for me means I go into hiding the evening my hair comes off and I take a little longer in the morning to get it back on and style it for the week. My god the stress of planning your holiday around this day! I had to wait to go to the water park until a week in so it fell on hair wash day as I just didn't want to faff with my wig more than I needed to! It stayed very well on all the rides as deep down I knew it would but THE ANXIETY!! Worrying it's going to fly off down the slide and I'm going to be left with no safety blanket for the rest of the trip!! Oh and I'm sure someone would be traumatized at the bottom with a bundle of hair flying down 😂🙈.
I worry on the daily if it looks 'wiggy' , the answer is always no but I still need that reassurance! I cried and cried the night my hair came off to be washed. It's insane how much it literally switches my mood. It's incredible how much of a difference it makes to my self esteem and general happiness. I'd dread to think of my situation if I didn't have it, I literally didn't leave the house or allow anyone to see me until I had a wig. As much as people tell you it's fine or it looks great it will never solve the inner pain and anxiety that the rapid hair loss caused. Especially when it's caused by chemo and cancer, something you were never in control of. It's not an easy fix and will take years for me to feel comfortable again with no help of a wig or extensions. BUT that is normal! Sometimes I feel pressured to embrace my new look but I simply don't want to. It may be denial or it may be lack of confidence I,m not sure but it's okay to not be okay with it!
I told myself once I got cancer I wouldn't bother with the little stresses of life as life is too short but that was easier said than done. You still get caught up in the daily struggles. Surrounding myself with family and friends that literally will not bat an eyelid if I have hair on or not is definitely the key to feeling comfortable. However, I very much did this at my own pace so never feel pressured by anyone to see them after hair loss or go without a wig until it is right for you. People do and did get frustrated and pushy when I first lost my hair as they wanted to see me and support me. BUT I just couldn't, there was a barrier and it made me so sad. I just needed to process it myself with my small bubble of Sam and my mum and that's what worked for me.
Positive: As much as it's hard to understand why things happen and having to be grateful just to be alive or have the option of a great wig. It is so hard to accept when they are things other people take for granted (like I used to). However, having this new perception makes like so much more precious. Trying to limit the niggling daily anxieties is hard as you know life is short but never feel any pressure. Life is what you make it and it is YOUR life. Take charge and do what makes you happy and the rest with follow ☀️