No One Likes Change!
Can we take a moment and normalise how okay it is to not be okay with having cancer!! Don’t get me wrong I am in awe of those who can fully embrace the changes cancer has brought them and be positive but actually I’m sure they’re not positive all the time, I certainly am not! Social media can sometimes be deceiving and I’ve always wanted my blog to be transparent! It’s easy to compare to others and feel like you’re not doing so well on the positive front!
Cancer = change in so many ways. Changes to my appearance has hit me the hardest. I HATE that I now look like a cancer patient. I hate that I have a complex about going out without a wig and feel so uncomfortable. Posting pictures on here is almost therapy for me as I still haven’t shown anyone but my Mum or Sam in person. I feel ashamed and embarrassed STILL! I don’t like that I don’t have my long hair anymore and that is perfectly normal! This wasn’t something I chose or have control of and it’s all about adapting to change at your own pace!
I still get frustrated with wearing a head scarf and I hate having to put on a wig just to feel normal and almost hide. Others don’t understand as they’re quite happy for you to go without but don’t understand I don’t feel I have a choice. I don’t want to wear a wig but I don’t have a choice as without it I literally won’t go out. I loved it when people didn’t necessarily know I had cancer and I could go about my normal day with the food shop without thinking everyone’s staring at my wig 😂.
The scars from my surgery are still prominent and I hate. I STILL have a blue boob from the sentinel node biopsy 4 months ago!! It is now nicknamed ‘bluey’ 🙈. I don’t feel confident in myself anymore and that is totally expected! You‘re not supposed to just bounce back after your life was turned upside down! It’s gonna take time for me to accept whats happened and it’s not like my hair is gonna grow back overnight , it’s a long haul to recovery! Yes, scars tell a story but it wasn’t a story I chose to tell!
I have reached out for some counselling don’t get me wrong and there is so much support out there particularly on Shine and Breast Cancer Now. BUT don’t forget this doesn’t mean your going crazy, even though it does feel it sometimes!
Positive: Learning to accept the new you is a process! One thing I’ve learnt is there is no right of wrong in all of this. It’s fine to ride the wave of emotions and be angry and sad that this has happened to you. It has been difficult to let go of my perfectionist mentality and not put pressure on myself for the small things such as cleaning the house and that’s normal! No one’s expecting you to carry on as you did before, just being you is enough ❤️