The Down Days
Updated: Jan 24, 2022
Don’t let my Instagram fool you, forcing a smile is becoming a new everyday. Since starting my first of 6 EC chemo on Wednesday I have cried everyday. I have surprised myself that I’ve found the energy from somewhere to write this.. I am still SO utterly overwhelmed that I even have cancer. Crazy to think that even now after 2 surgeries and a cycle of chemotherapy I still can’t quite get my head around it.
My first cycle of chemo has been really really tough. The side effects are coming in thick and fast and not being able to live life as normal is hard to swallow. The sickness started as expected and took a good day to get under control. I really do recommend travel sickness bands and ensuring you have back up anti-emetics! I have finally parted from the sick bowl 🤢. Not being able to sleep has been the second worst, nothing worse than being so so tired but your body does not shut off! Steroids can have that nasty effect even when I took them slightly earlier to help and don’t forget Sams snoring 😉😴. One final tip! Get lots of Rennies/ Gaviscon in the cupboard as those few days of steroids really gave me bad acid reflux which hasn’t been fun! 🙈
As grim as it is, all these meds used to try and make you feel normal also do the exact opposite and constipation is a thing! Do not wait until it’s too late just take the damn laxatives from day 1- TRUST ME! 🙈. They taste rank but worth it! During my chemo I have a week of injections and they’re used to boost my immune system. This means lots of cell production in my bone marrow causing my joints to ACHE! Only so much a nice bubble bath and hot water bottles can do to ease it! The dog walk defeated me yesterday and today 😔 BUT it’s okay (or that’s what I keep telling myself)!.
Today has felt like the longest day ever! I can’t even lie down doing nothing without feeling uncomfortable and feeling exhausted at the slightest movement. Negativity really is working its way up there and I can’t help but wonder WHY!? Why did I get cancer? Why am I having to go through this? Cancer is not fair and it never will be. I have to accept what’s happened and take what’s to come a VERY small step at a time.
Positive: Sam has been working nights and has been truly amazing in supporting me despite his own tiredness. Family and friends have stepped in to help out where it’s needed and I am so grateful. As sh** as this is, it’s a process and the days are always counting down so even if I do sit here and do nothing at least I’m getting a little bit closer to the light at the end ❤️