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  • Writer's pictureSophie Jackson

The Real Emotion Behind Finishing Chemo

FIRST THINGS FIRST! I’ve only gone and bloody done it! The day that has kept me going throughout , to finally ring that bell and say fu** you to chemo! .. and yes I did get my giant Millie’s cookie and ate nearly all of it (it was a race before my mouth got sore again 😂).

However, I felt pretty emotionless on bell ringing day, it’s like you focused on getting that far for so long and once you‘re there it’s like someone has just moved the finished line that little bit further! Sorry for being a negative nancy but keeping it real! I’ve always struggled to focus on the positives and achievements rather than planning ahead so it’s definitely good to reflect and realise how far you’ve come along such a shi**y journey!

The morning of my chemo I saw my oncologist to discuss radiotherapy so I guess that didn’t really help on focusing on the achievements 🙈. I was in for a bit of a shock as they told me after surgery I had clear margins but turns out where the lump was so close to the skin they didn’t even get 1mm and usually they like 2mm of a clear margin AND I had DCIS so that worried me 😬. They also said as it was so aggressive if it’s going to re-occur it will likely happen in the first 2 years! It’s no wonder really that I wasn’t feeling so chirpy to ring that bell 😂. ANYWAY, radiotherapy should reduce re-occurrence by half so that’s the next step for me! 10 sessions to come!

As of right now I am the usual bed ridden frustrated Soph. I had in my head I’d get some weird strength to power through the side effects as it was my last one but nope. My body has well and truly given up again, chemo really kicks my ass everytime! BUT last time for this crap. I’ve also been good and persisting with the GCSF injections despite being told I only need to take 3 days as I have a wedding next week and of course Pretty Muddy 😇.


Positive: Chemo is over!!! Each minute that passes is a minute less of side effects and for me the awful joint pain! Lying in bed feels like lying on a plank of wood 😂. Anyone going through chemo right now, you can absolutely do it and it’s okay to not feel perhaps as happy as you thought you might. Remember, you didn’t choose for this to happen to you and it’s never going to be fair but accepting that and taking each day as it comes is more than anyone can ask of you ❤️

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