The Small Print
Updated: Dec 15, 2021
Today mum and I met with my consultant and specialist nurse to sign on the dotted line. Mum has a nack of getting the giggles whenever its supposed to be serious and quiet! It didnt go down too well in the waiting room š BUT It lightened the mood! Iāve been in a protected bubble so far, surrounded by support and kindness. Nothing in my life has really changed other than a couple of blood tests and an MRI scan. Now itās time to step up and be brave. In 6 days time I will be on the operating table. The pressure is building and anxiety closing in. Soon I can no longer pretend life is normal and must embrace the changes needed to ultimately save my life. It all sounds so surreal, apart from stupid Lenny I donāt feel any different- IM FINE!
Starting with the good news I donāt need the horrible wire thing before my op anymore, thank goodness!! I still need an injection straight into the boob whilst awake but it could be worse!! Nothing a bit of ametop canāt fix (weāre best friends now!).
The tears began when they told me chemotherapy is next. They previously told me Iād have radiotherapy first which Iād prepared myself for but Iām dreading chemo. Iām just about coping now when I feel physically well let alone when I feel like death from all the drugs. I couldnāt even bear to look at the leaflet they gave me. The thought of losing all my hair still makes me feel instantly nauseous. I then saw the cancer support worker who was lovely and introduced me to counselling and support groups of those my age which Iām sure I will need down the line. Anybody going through a tough time with cancer there really is so much support out there especially on the macmillan website! I knew a few services previously from my job but Iām learning so much more!
Information overload and the drained and overwhelmed feeling is now kicking in but having a nice evening of making pizzas and winston cuddles š¶. Early night for me is needed in preparation for the mountain of drugs being delivered tomorrow from the fertility clinic. Iāve been told to clean out the fridge to make room! š¬
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Positive: Organised me loves a plan and knowing how surgery day is going to work is a big relief for me. HUGE positive that no nasty wires are needed and this time next week Lenny will be evicted to the incinerator š.