The What If’s 🤷♀️
I have learnt that it is incredibly hard not to get into the rut of comparing your situation to others and self-blame. It’s your mind trying to process why the hell this happened to you when no one can give you a concrete reason!
Social media has been amazing for me to find others in the same situation, same age etc. BUT also has led me down a dark path a few times. I have seen others who started their journey the same time as me and still have all their hair, still having periods. I have neither of those. I feel angry and hurt, like why did I not get that lucky!? It is so dangerous to compare to others and it is so important to remember that these feelings cannot and won’t change whats happened.
What if the cold cap wasn’t tight enough?
What if I didn’t go on the pill all those years ago and then didn’t get cancer?
What if I didn’t shave what was left of my hair?
Cancer, even when on curative treatment it causes such grief. I am grieving the hair I used to have, I miss it! I miss my confidence and want to socialise and I miss the energy and motivation I used to have! BUT worrying about these things does not change anything, it does not help anything and it’s trying to remember that!
You can only move forward and focus on the new you. My body and mental health has been through so much already. Focusing on the things you have achieved and most people have a 100% success rate! I’ve faced cancer head on and taken all the treatments that have come. Considering I fainted at both my Covid vaccines last year and now I’ve been stabbed more than 40 times I think I’m doing alright 💁🏼♀️.
Positive: I have booked in my new semi- permanent wig with Lucinda Ellery for the 7th April! The money raised on the go fund me has made this possible which I am so grateful for! It will make such a huge difference and way more practical for me to continue working hopefully when I return in July 👩⚕️. ALSO our pretty muddy team has raised £1585 so far for Cancer Research! Thank you to everyone that has donated! ❤️
Remember, the bad days are temporary and you are stronger than you think, just look at your track record! 💕