Time For Change 😫
Recently emotions have been very mixed! Tears , anger .. maybe the odd bit of positivity 🙈. They certainly don’t lie when they say the further into chemo you get the harder it becomes! My 5th cycle really gave me a battering! Becoming unwell with an infection and needing 5 days of antibiotics on what was supposed to be my ‘good days’ really put a downer on everything. I feel like I haven’t had a break! On the days I feel well I like to completely disassociate myself with cancer and sometimes forget how much it’s physically taken out of me. I enjoyed a lovely day in Bath this weekend and I have not walked that much since diagnosis and my god I was tired! Today I walked from my car into the hospital for pre-chemo bloods and swab and literally had to stop to rest! My legs felt like I’d just run for miles and so out of breath! 😫 THE JOYS!
This Wednesday is LAST CHEMO day aka bell ringing day!! As excited as I am to be done with it, it is abit of an anti-climax having to celebrate the end and then feel sh** for a good week 😂. I always said I’d order a giant Millie’s cookie for myself when I’m done and I’ve only gone and done it! 🙈. BUT I’d say I’ve earned it 😂. Anxiety is building though! It always comes along to ruin anything good of course 🙄. The closer I am to finishing treatment means the closer I am to getting back to normality and work! STRESS.
I don’t have much of a choice but to go back to work as soon as physically allowed once treatment is over due to money! Sick pay runs out. Frustrates me so much when people comment ‘oh that’s so soon’ ‘are you sure you don’t need longer off?’. It’s like YES! I would love to have some time to recover from the trauma but unfortunately life doesn’t stop and never did for cancer. The bills carry on and you have to somehow juggle everyday life whilst kicking cancers butt 🤷♀️.
BUT before I get too carried away of stressing with anticipation of working on a cancer ward again I need to smash radiotherapy next! I should get my dates on Wednesday and my CT scan booked in for planning 😬. We share our staff room with the radiotherapy department so a tad awkward but hopefully they don’t recognise me 😂.
As I always say.. one day at a time! 👊
Positive: Race for life Pretty Muddy is coming up so soon on the 14th! I may be crazy but I’m still planning to do it! I may not make it to the end but I will be at the start line 😂. We have raised an amazing £2,955!! Thank you so much to everyone that’s donated, it really means a lot ❤️. ALSO, I am keen to make a change to the way the contraceptive pill is prescribed due to poor recognition of its link to breast cancer. It’s quite likely this was the cause for mine and I was on this for over 10 years and the risk increases with time! I was without any on-going monitoring or information of the risk or given prompts to check for lumps prior to requesting a repeat prescription time and time again! I have emailed the local MP and awaiting a response! Time will tell! 😬 ☺️