Time To Heal
Today marked the end of ‘active treatment’. This means I’ve completed everything set out in front of me to obliterate Lenny and we can now safely say I am cancer free!! It has been a LOONG road. Since being diagnosed 4th November, I have had a lumpectomy, node biopsy, fertility preservation, 6 cycles of chemo and 10 lots of radiotherapy and here we are now… and yes I got to ring the bell twice!! (I nearly didn’t today but I definitely would have regretted it!)
You’d think I’d feel happy or overwhelmed with emotion but I really don’t know how I feel. I still don’t think any of it has sunk in, not really. I have almost put up a mental block to what was actually happening to me and just took it all in my stride. I always had another appointment to get to and now I have a break to recover. I feel like cancer swallowed me up and then spat me out, battered and bruised. My body is weak and scarred, I have no hair, I’ve put on weight.. the list is endless. It is those long lasting effects that I am now having to accept and learn to live with whilst I get thrown back into normal life. Nothing is a quick fix.
The worries of ‘will my uniform still fit?’ , ‘will people know I’m wearing a wig at work?’, am I going to cope caring for patients going through cancer when I’ve only just done it myself?’. SO much to take in but I do feel like my job gave me a massive heads up. Chemo didn’t scare me and that took a huge chunk of anxiety out the way and I was used to dealing with difficult situations and I’m good at mentally disengaging stuff that has happened at work to my home life. However, now they’ve sort of intertwined and this may make things harder going forward but I will only know once I get back in there! My next hospital visit is the 4th July to meet my surgeon again and my consultant get my maintenance plan in place. Life will never be the same as it was but I feel like today is the first day of my new life.
Positive: Today I am a stronger, braver and more appreciative person and I owe my life to such amazing research and medicine. I am one unlucky yet very lucky girl 🥰